One of the many memorable at-bats during the Andrés Galarraga campaign of 2001.So I was all set to delve right into my triumphant return to the “Don’t-Feel-Like-You-Have-To-Say-Anything-Nice-If-You-Don’t-Have-Anything-Nice-To-Say” area of internet sports journalism (that’s my terminology for “blogging”, wouldn’t Buzz Bissinger be proud of me?). But then Joey mentioned that folks might actually be interested in where I’ve been for the last two years or so. I laughed upon hearing this and slammed my laptop shut, kicking it to the corner of my living room. But then I thought, maybe there are people out there that actually are interested to know every intricate detail of my life. I’ll cater to them right now, just as I’ll cater to all of you at some point or another in this wild ride of sports blogginess, and give you a brief summarization of my life since I last left BBTiA around two years ago.

First of all, I left to write for Scout.com. It was truly a mind-blowing experience, and about as close to feeling like Buster Olney as a guy can get. I have to give a lot of credit to one Jason Cole, because that guy knows his minor leaguers. Incidentally, so does Jason Parks, and that’s why I’d like to see them both fight to the death in a cage match. Then, just this past August, I got engaged. Go me. I guess here’s where I owe one Jamey Newberg a debt of gratitude, because were it not for him, I probably would not have met my wife-to-be. For you see, I didn’t just meet my fiancée on the internet, nor did I just meet her on a baseball website, but I met her through The Newberg Report. Life works in mysterious ways. But she’s happy, I’m happy, and the big day is coming in March. It’s nice to know I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with a girl who knows what VORP is.

I also work. A lot. And this is why I think I fit my new assignment of “Special Correspondent” here at the new and improved, part of your balanced breakfast version of BBTiA to a T. Now down to business.

I’ve decided to set sail on this, my maiden voyage on the new site, with the first of what will be a series of lists. I’ve always loved the list, mainly because it's such an integral part of our civilization. David Letterman, Craigslist, the No Fly List – all famous lists. And now, here’s another one.

Pretty self explanatory, right? It works like this: Every week (or every other week, or every 3-4 days, you probably get the picture) I’ll be working my way across the diamond with who I firmly believe are the top five and bottom five players to have ever graced the baseball diamond at that position. I’ve ruled in some intangibles that will be made known as we go along here, the first of which is a guy has to have actually played at that position for an extended period of time. No one-and-dones like Monty Fariss (one game at first in 1992), Mario Diaz (1993), Tom Robson or Tom Grieve (both in 1974). It takes some major gusto to make it on one of my lists, as you’re about to see. So open those grotesquely giant anime eyes I know all internet readers have and get ready to be entertained. Or something.

5. Pete O’Brien (1982-1988) – O’Brien never possessed a big bat, but did hit around .270 and clubbed 114 homers in his seven seasons with the Rangers. Unfortunately for him, the first baseman usually found himself batting third in a lineup that didn’t produce a lot of runs. But O'Brien was also one of the best fielders in the league, and he showed it by leading AL first basemen in assists in 1983 and 1987. You can probably rest assured that Pete’s already told his grandchildren that when he started three double plays in a game on May 22, 1984, it tied the major-league record for first basemen.

4. Mike Hargrove (1974-1978) – There is no doubt in my mind that, numbers aside, I would find room for anyone nicknamed “The Human Rain Delay” on this list. Hargrove swung a spicy bat for the Rangers, and was a pest for opposing pitchers thanks to his ability to get on base. He also pestered the opposition with his batter’s box routine of adjusting his helmet, then batting gloves, pulling his right sleeve up about an inch, repeating the same step with his left one, and then giving each hand a wipe on his pants.

3. Will Clark (1994-1998) – Also known as "Will The Thrill." Were it up to me (and it is), I’d definitely make sure anyone who is a direct descendent of William Clark of Lewis & Clark Expedition fame makes my list. I wish I could have shown him proper appreciation for his ancestor for his great discoveries across this great land of ours, but I still can’t find a way to fit "Left Pittsburgh this day at 11 o'clock with a party of 11 hands 7 of which are soldiers, a pilot and three young men on trial they having proposed to go with me throughout the voyage” onto a sign.

At any rate, with a cackling laugh and a sneer that alarmed the elderly, Clark proved to be a fire in the belly of the Rangers clubhouse and helped propel the club to the playoffs in 1996 and 1998 where, as we all know, they got smoked.

2. Rafael Palmeiro (1989-1993, 1999-2003) – Long before steroids killed the remainder of Palmeiro’s career in the major leagues, the first baseman had the Rangers hoping he could fill a void left by the departure of Pete O’Brien. Suffice it to say, he did a pretty bang-up job in that category. He also developed into a stellar defensive player, collecting three straight Gold Gloves at one point in his career and totally overcoming the ugly 15-error campaign during his rookie season in the big leagues.

1. Mark Teixeira (2003-2007) – We all know about the polite “Thanks, but no thanks” Teixeira gave Tom Hicks' and the Rangers' almost peasant-like eight-year, $140,000,000 contract extension offer. But no first baseman in the history of this franchise demonstrated the defensive prowess that Teixeira did in the field. And while the results of his trade to the Braves haven’t fully materialized yet, it's only a matter of time before the salivating mouths of Rangers fans finally get what they’ve been waiting for.

Honorable Mentions: Lee Stevens (1996-1999), Pat Putnam (1977-1982)

5. Mike Jorgensen (1978-1979) – I’d like to be easier on Jorgensen, I really would. Especially considering how his career unexpectedly took a bullet train south: During a game against the Red Sox in May of 1979, Jorgensen took a beanball to the head and left the game. He had a pinch-hit appearance in a game a couple of days later, but doctors soon discovered a blood clot in his head that, left unchecked, could have killed him. But Jorgensen, however, never could hold his own in a backup role with the Rangers, hitting under the Mendoza line in limited action in 1978 and barely over .200 in 157 at-bats the following season.

4. Jack Daugherty (1989-1992) – I also feel a little bad putting Daugherty here, and this is why: Any ex-ballplayer that has baseball cards of some monetary value certainly deserves something, right? Take Daugherty, who is known as “Ireland’s Greatest Baseball Player” thanks to the Doherty clan in the northern part of the country. That’s all fine and well, considering the player in question is actually from said foreign land: Daugherty was born in Florida in 1960. But if you were to walk into a tavern in Ireland and plop yourself down a few Upper Decks and a Donruss of this former Ranger, well buddy, you might be able to buy everybody in the house a pint of Guiness. On the field, Daugherty showed some promise upon his arrival to town but was consistently bitten by the injury bug and found himself released after the 1992 season.

3. Mickey Tettleton (1995-1997) – Tettleton did only play 23 games at first base in 1996 and nine the year before that, but that’s good enough for me. He also carried with him some pretty good power and an impressive knack for drawing a walk. But statistical speak aside, here are a few major reasons why this former first baseman belongs on this list: Tettleton’s wife once famously claimed that Froot Loops cereal was the reason behind his late-80s power surge at the plate, and the man once kept a pair of monkey or rabbit, um, testicles in his back pocket. As if one animal’s testes were not enough. I guess it's nice to have options.

2. Ben Broussard (2008) – Broussard came to the Rangers via trade in December, quickly found himself $3.85 million richer, and was ushered back out the door after 26 games and a .159 batting average. In his place, the dynamic duo of Chris Shelton and Frank Catalanotto took over first base duties for a time before the arrival of Chris Davis late this past summer. Broussard had been placed on waivers, but with no takers raising their hands wildly and running to the front of the classroom, Texas decided to release him and eat the remaining $2.9 million on his deal.

1. Andrés Galarraga (2001) – Fresh off another mammoth season against National League pitching, the Rangers rolled the dice on “The Big Cat” and brought him in as a backup first baseman for Rafael Palmeiro during the 2001 season. Turns out the only thing mammoth about his year as an American Leaguer was his $6 million contract. Although he managed to hit 10 home runs during his time in Texas, Galarraga, age 40, seemed drastically overmatched by American League pitching and about as nimble as Garfield after devouring a tray of lasagna and a fern.

Dishonorable Mentions: Brad Wilkerson, Jim Fregosi

Next time: The best/worst second basemen in club history. And please feel free to leave your thoughts, suggestions, feedback, and everything else either here on the site or by clicking on my name and firing off an e-mail. I welcome your correspondence.